Don't Try To Fix Me
by IfOnlyIWereASparklyVampire
Summary: I loved him. And it hurt. I highly doubted that he cared, but it still hurt. Rated T for self mutilation, violence of other sorts, and it's just too mature for the younger minds. Not very good at reviews but you should still read and review. REVIEW.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: All I can write lately is a bunch of depressing crap! It's really not even all that good. Inspirations are My Immortal and Hello, both by Evanescence. But review nonetheless. Review. Please.**

It was unbearable. I was in love. But did he acknowledge it? No, of course not. I was merely a friend in his eyes. If even a friend, that is. Ah, but Jane did. Jane acknowledged it plenty. And she did not like it. Not one bit. How could I even bare to do this to her? I was always at his side, taking her place. They have been through everything together, but it was as if I forgot all this when my eyes locked with his. It was meaningless information such as remembering how to tie your shoes although you had worn slip-ons.

As my mind raced, my heart began to beat faster and faster. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears. The world was spinning. I felt dizzy, unstable. Nauseated. Scared. Hurt. Broken. Happy. Loved. So many emotions flooded me. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to cry or smile. So I just cried.

I continued my crying although it was clear he was approaching me. I knew the sound of his shoes clicking across the cold stone streets. I couldn't collect myself. It was an impossible task. I'd never loved anyone this much. No one.

As my chest continued to heave up and down with these seemingly endless sobs, I opened my eyes, seeing his shoes. Dare I look up and face him? Tell him what I felt? No. I could do no such thing. Before I could collect my thoughts, or even _try_ and collect _myself_ for that matter, he was knelt down beside me, wrapping an icy arm around my shoulder. I heard him speak, his voice barely audible. "Is everything alright, my dear?"

Good God. Hearing his voice only broke me down into more hysterics. I tried to tell him, "I'm fine. There is nothing wrong. You can carry on." But it did not come out as intended. It had came out as more hysterics. I couldn't breathe.

He sat in silence for a long time, I assume to let me get out the rest of my sobs. I was never truly finished with my hysteria, but I quieted down slightly so he could speak, as well could I. As soon as I could speak again, I apologized. "Alec, I am so terribly sorry. I thought I was alone. I never would have- Well you know…. Cried in front of you. Or anyone for that matter." That was a lie. I was not just crying. I was bawling. I was in hysterics for God's sake.

"No need to apologize, dearest Destiny. If I was bothered by your hysterics, I would not have come over here. I dare the to try and pass off those sobs of pain and sadness as a mere cry." He sounded like an old English poet. So deep, so intelligent. "Please. Do tell me what the reason behind this bawling was. Although it is none of my business, I could help perhaps….."

At that exact moment my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. He wanted to help. And of course, I wouldn't let him. I couldn't show a sign of weakness. He was in fact the only person who could help….. The worst he could do is never speak to me again. But that would break me. I was broken already, I didn't know if a person could be more broken than I was already. I couldn't possibly stand anymore hurt in my life. So I responded with a simple, obnoxious, "Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken." I wanted to just spill everything out. Let him know how I had tried to kill myself because of this pain he had caused me. Let him know that I really _was_ broken. This was a façade I put on in front of him. I thought about all this and then slowly began explaining. "Actually, never mind my previous comment. I am broken. Very broken. My heart has been shattered into millions of tiny pieces that no one is kind enough to pick up. It's just what love does."

He quirked a brow and looked at me with a surprised, yes still questioning expression. "Love? What is this you speak of love?" Before I could explain, try to cover it up, he understood; A look of shock first passed over his face. Then amazement. Then happiness. Then sadness. He knew that he himself had broken me. I actually wanted him to know. He could understand why I avoid him, why he always catches me looking at him while no one else is around, why I had looked so dead yesterday; The day I tried to hang myself. He remained completely silent. We sat there, staring at each other for a long while. I looked deep into his eyes…. I saw a hint of a crimson color. No, it couldn't be. My hallucinations. This silence lasted for what seemed like an eternity. I sighed and stood up, his hand sliding off my shoulder. I felt the new round of tears beginning to stream down my face. He stood up as well, pulling me into a hug. His hands slid down my back, as if he was not comfortable with his action. Like he was somewhat restraining himself.

It was hard to comprehend the fact that he knew I loved him. It's not as if that changed anything, as to the way he felt about me, but it was insane. This secret, kept for so long, now unleashed. I let out a small whisper, knowing if I spoke too loud my voice would break. "Alec…. I'm sorry."

He pulled me back and stared at me. "I-… I did not know. I feel terrible."

I looked down, unable to speak to his face. "What do you feel bad for? I fell in love. It was a ridiculous thing. A mistake, I do suppose." I considered telling him of the self mutilation I had put myself through, but I assumed it be best to leave it out. My voice became shakier. "It's not your fault you're…. perfect." I whispered the last word, closing my eyes.

He wore the same blank expression as he normally did. "I…. have to go. I wish to speak with you tomorrow." And with a nod, he turned and went back to the castle.

Alec and his family were the royal family of Volterra. They owned the largest castle I had ever seen. There were many people in the family. Aro, Sulpicia, Caius, Athenodora, Marcus, Jane, Demetri, Heidi, Felix, Chelsea, Afton, Renata, Santiago, Gianna, and then of course Alec himself. They were all extremely good looking; Even the girls had insane beauty. It wasn't natural. They had this grace about them; All of their actions were graceful, swift, quick. I envied it. I was not aware as to whether or not any of the family were "together". Alec was constantly around the girls, and it made me wonder. God knows I wasn't as pretty as them, just another point as to why he could never love me.

"Goodbye," I whispered, watching him walk away. I walked back to my apartment, which was directly across the street from the castle. When I arrived home, I sat on my bed, going back into hysterics. At this point I was just thankful my parents were out of town. I shut my eyes tight, remembering the previous day when I had tried to hang myself. When I opened my eyes again, I looked at the ceiling, remembering the exact placing of the rope. Then I looked down at my arms. I rolled up my long sleeves and looked at the small scars.

"_Don't do it," I told myself. Is it worth it? I sighed and stared at my shaky hands and the pair of scissors in them. I was on the verge of hyperventilation. I carefully held the scissors, lightly tracing them down my arm. I wasn't pressing down hard enough to draw blood. Or for the purpose; To cause pain. The second time I traced the scissors down, I pressed harder in certain places. I made no noise. The only reason I knew I was crying was from the tears that splashed onto my arm. I watches trickles of blood drip down my arm, cutting a small 'A' into my hand. It wasn't just because of him. It was Alec _and_ Jane. My parents. The crap I'd been given my entire life. But I felt as if I had brought it upon myself. So I went straight to self mutilation. _

I remembered it all so vividly. I remembered the pain. I remembered my exact thoughts. I did not regret my actions. The only thing I regretted was falling in love. Of course, I could not help it. All there was left to do now was go to sleep. Wait until tomorrow. What events awaited me then? Alec said he wanted to see me tomorrow. But why? So many questions remained unanswered.

I curled up in a ball and closed my eyes. I didn't want to pull the covers up, or put on my pajamas, or even take my make up off. I just wanted to sleep. The sooner I got the nightmares sure to come over with, the sooner the morning would come. And I would see him. Surely it would only cause me more pain, but it was better than not seeing him at all.

**A/N: Depressing, wasn't it? Yeah. I can be deep. Please review. I have another chapter. But I won't publish it until I get at least two reviews. Come on people. Flames appreciated as well.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Phooey. Why can't I write worth crap? Is there even a point in continuing the story? Eh, Probably not. Anyways, I'm having fun writing so I guess I'll just keep on truckin'. Oh and I took this idea from Greta Davis because she is such a brilliant writer, but I am going to put the song I was listening to while writing each chapter.**

**Die Alone- Ingrid Michaelson and The Lighthouse's Tale- Nickelcreek**

**WAIT! IMPORTANT! As some of you may or may not know, my name IS Destiny in real life. But I HAVE NEVER EVER ACTED AS THIS CHARACTER DOES. The only reason I even used the name Destiny is because well 1., I love Alec, and 2., I am not at ALL good at coming up with names. Sorry, I had some friends totally flipping out on me over that one. Anyways, read and REVIEW!**

I tossed and turned in this most miserable sleep. I had not once stopped dreaming about him since I had fallen asleep. He stood there… but he was never in reach. I would run and it seemed as if he would just continue to move back. I jerked awake violently and most suddenly. I screamed an extremely high-pitched and shrill scream. It had happened everyday for the past few months. I stared straight ahead, wondering if there was even a point in looking in the mirror. I sighed and turned unwillingly, it seemed, to look in the mirror. Of course, it was the same; Tear-streaked face. Wrecked hair. I shook my head and silently got out of the bed. I froze as I headed towards the bathroom, remembering Alec's words.

_I…. have to go. I wish to speak with you tomorrow._

I was in a sudden frenzy. What was I to wear? How was I to know when he desired to speak with me? _Why_ did he wish to speak with me?

As I was thinking all of this over, I began to feel nauseated. "Oh God….." I muttered as I broke out in a sprint towards the bathroom. I kneeled down beside the toilet, holding my hair back as I began to cry.

**Alec P.O.V.**

I paced the halls. _What am I thinking?_ That same thought repeatedly ran through my head. Why had I told Destiny I wished to speak with her? What was I to say? I'm sorry? I love you too, but I am a vampire, hence we cannot be together? I had nothing to say. I simply could not, and would not, tell her of the vampire world. She had enough to deal with. I couldn't bring myself to add to it.

I stood up straight as Jane approached me. She had never been Destiny's biggest fan. In fact, she despised Destiny. And it became worse as I had begun to distance myself from Jane, in order to refrain from letting her know of my love for Destiny. I quickly cleared these thoughts from my head as I saw Jane moving to stand in front of me. "Greetings, Jane," I gave a nod and a smile, trying to focus on her and only her.

She smiled back, clearly eager to see me. "Greetings, my dear Alec. How are you on this lovely morning?"

"I am quite well, thank you for asking. And yourself?"

"Well, thank you." She bit her lip as if she had something else to say. She looked down to her feet then back up to my face. "Alec,….. I have not saw you in quite some time, you know." She sighed and closed her eyes briefly. I winced as I could tell this was paining my indestructible sister. "It may sound childish, but I find it unfair. In fact, everyone finds it unfair. Apparently it is not just me who hasn't saw you. Demetri and Felix have not even saw you around the castle. They say you go out and do not return until the early hours of the morning. I would think you could at least give me an explanation for this."

So many thoughts ran through my mind. There was no way on this God forsaken Earth I was going to tell her I had been out due to Destiny. Had I not hurt enough people already?

"There is nothing to explain. I have just been going… out a lot lately. I miss you terribly, I assure you. Perhaps tomorrow we could go out somewhere. I have not hunted recently, and I do not intend on waiting for Heidi to bring the next set of humans."

I looked out the window, noticing Destiny standing against the wall of her apartment building. She looked absolutely stunning, as always. Long, straight, brown hair. Gorgeous, big, blue eyes. I smiled slightly and turned back to Jane.

"That sounds wonderful!" She was beaming. Finally, I could make _someone_ happy. But the worst part of all this was the fact that I was all too eager to go visit Destiny at this very moment. I had never even in the slightest been attracted to a human. I saw every single one of them as a snack. Destiny was the only exception to that.

"I am so sorry to say, but I must be on my way. I promise, I shall see you tomorrow. Goodbye."

Before I turned to leave I saw the smile fade from her face completely. She went back to the blank, uncaring attitude she showed everyone else. But me, I knew the real Jane. The Jane who actually cared about what people thought. The Jane that was hurt by what people said about her. The Jane who had been madly in love with Demetri for as long as we had been with the Volturi. That was the Jane I know and love. I sighed and shook my head as I walked out of the castle quickly and quietly, headed towards Destiny.

**Destiny P.O.V.**

I felt my heartbeat accelerate as he approached. He was smiling that stunning smile of his. It almost distracted me from the curiosity that was tearing me apart. What is it he wanted to tell me? That he never wanted to see me again?

I put my hand over my heart as he stood directly in front of me. I thought it was going to just pound out of my chest. At that point, I wished it would have; I would no longer have a heart to deal with.

"Hello Destiny," he said with a warm smile.

"H-Hey Alec."

I couldn't bare to look him in the eyes. So I didn't. I looked down like I always had. _Head down, stay hidden_. That was the rule I had been taught as a child.

_Age eight._

"_Head down, stay hidden," I murmured as I passed through the living room. I wanted to close my eyes and pretend it was all just a terrible nightmare that occurred every night. Daddy would invite his friends over, and they would get drunk. They were loud, I was scared. I had to be quiet and make sure the men didn't see me._

_I gasped loudly as I jerked my head up to see what, or who, I had run into. I winced at the man's sloppy grin and blood-shot eyes. This is what nearly all the men looked like. Including my dad._

_He shot a look back at my father and I covered my ears as he yelled over the noise of the game. "HEY CHARLIE! CHARLIE! IS THIS ONE YOURS?" He held my hand up high and waved it around, nearly picking me up off the ground. I wanted so badly to just scream. That was the arm that I has just got my cast taken off of. _

"_YEAH! Ain't she pretty, Billy?" He stood up and walked over to me, holding me in place in front of him. "She's my prize possession."_

I am not a possession,_ I thought to myself. I looked at the door. I had made it so close to my room where I could drown out the sound of the men and the game. _

"_Yeah, she's just gorgeous…" Billy trailed off, looking me up and down. I felt nervous. I tried to discreetly slip out of Daddy's grasp. It tightened as he turned me around, staring me dead in the eyes. "No, you're not going _anywhere._" He drew his hand back and I knew what was about to come; The beating. I screamed in a shrill tone as his hand struck my face with all of his force. I fell to my knees, trying not to cry. The more I cried the worse the beating. I'd learned from experience. _

_He pulled me back up by my hair and jerked my head back, striking me across the face with all his might again. Some men were totally silenced, others cheered him on. I bit my lip to prevent the screams again. I just wanted to get away from all this…_

"_Daddy, can I please go to bed now?" I nearly lost focus as a drop of blood ran down my face. I wiggled my nose and once again tried my hardest to stop the screams. Broken again. That would be the third time this month._

_He grunted and nodded, pushing me towards my bedroom door. I limped in that direction, stopping in my tracks as I felt someone following me. I turned my head lightly and saw Billy._

"_Charlie, I'll tuck her in if you'd like," he said, turning back to wink at me._

"_That's fine Billy. Thanks," Daddy said with a shrug as he turned to go back to his chair. I wanted Mommy so much… She left me and Daddy and went to Italy. _

_I refocused as Billy slipped his arm around me, pushing me into the room. I knew what was going to happen if I didn't get away._

"_NO!" I screamed and ran as fast as I could out the door. I heard Daddy yelling as I ran. I ran until my legs couldn't carry me any further. Daddy hadn't followed me, Billy didn't, no one did. No one cared. I crumpled up in a heap beside a tree in the massive forest I found myself in. _

_It was hard to tell how many hours had passed. I was nearly positive that it was dark when I came here, and now it was light. I rubbed my eyes and looked up, startled to see the most beautiful blonde woman I had ever saw. Simply stunning. In my shock, I smacked my head against the tree and tried not to cry. She was probably no different than Daddy, she'd just hit me. I let a few tears escape anyways. She didn't hit me though. She picked me up and cradled me in her arms, walking towards a large secluded house. _

"_Please excuse me Miss, but are you going to…. Hurt me?" I whispered in a frightened tone._

"_Of course not. I don't know why you would ever think that. My family and I are going to help you."_

_Something about her seemed cold. Not just her actual body temperature, but her personality. So blank, so… dead. It scared me._

_When I looked back over, I saw a gorgeous blonde man who looked much more kind. He walked towards me, but I was not afraid as I was of most men. He was… different._

_He gave a bright smile and extended his arms. The blonde girl passed me to him and I hid my face in his jacket. Why did I trust him? It was so confusing._

"_Hello Dear. My name is Carlisle, and this is my family," he motioned around the room. I took in their absolute beauty. It was amazing. "My daughter, Rosalie, found you in the forest earlier… Might I ask what you were doing out there?"_

_I was hesitant to tell him, but something just came over me. Like a wave of trust. _

_As I was about to open my mouth, my eyes passed over a beautiful blonde boy with curly hair. He looked at me with a slight smile and nodded back towards Carlisle. I looked up at his face and began talking._

"_Well… My name is D-Destiny, and I, um, I ran away. Last night, Daddy had his friends over and they were d-drunk, and so I was going to go to bed…" I didn't want to continue. But I did. "And then Daddy's friend, Billy, he was talking to me, and h-he wanted to tuck me into bed, but- but that's not actually what he was gonna do, and so I had to leave, and-and I-I, I just ran, and-and," I stuttered over several words as I became a bit more nervous. "And so now I'm… here."_

_I looked around the room and saw the frowns, the shock, the people who wanted to comfort me. One lady in particular who had caramel-colored hair that sat gracefully in loose curls around her shoulders. She looked devastated. But why? Why was I so different? Were there not other kids like me?_

"_Oh my God… I am terribly sorry," Carlisle spoke softly while running his hand over my head. It was comforting. "Did you have anywhere you planned on going?"I shook my head. "Nope. I was just gonna run." _

"_Well what about your mother? Where is she?"_

"_She's in Italy… Volterra. That's where she told me she was going, anyways." _

_I saw the family exchange a glance. As if they knew something I didn't; Something important._

"_We can get you to your mother. It won't be easy, but we can get you there."_

_They talked for a long time. I did not understand. _

_A few days had passed. They had some how gotten me to Volterra with my mother. They told me to avoid the castle. They said danger lurked there. What kind of danger could possibly be worse than the danger I had faced everyday at home?_

"Destiny? Destiny?" Alec said as he gently shook my shoulder.

"Oh, sorry… I was… thinking."

"That is perfectly fine, my dear. Now shall we take a walk?""Yes, of course."

**Alec P.O.V.**

I wanted to scream. Still, I had no clue as to what I should say to her.

"So, what did you want to tell me?"

She looked at me with that face of pure innocence. She started to tremble. She was scared. I shook my head. This made me feel simply dreadful. I furrowed my brow, thinking of what to say. I thought of something that would give me more time.

"It was more of a question. Would you like to go on a date sometime?"

She stopped trembling. She looked almost sick.

"Yes, of- of course. When?"

"How about the day after tomorrow?"

"Splendid!" She was beaming.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I must be going back home. Goodbye for now."

I turned and walked away, still thinking.

What had I done?

**A/N: Review people! REVIEWWWW!**


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